I Hated Poems About The Pastor’s Wife…

...until this past year. For years and years, I have steered clear of the cliché comments, poems and stereotypes of pastors' wives. Why? After hearing that I was engaged to a soon-to-be-pastor, I received a poem from a ‘well-meaning’ friend. It was an absolutely horrible poem about what life would be like when… 
  • Trustees or church family entered our home unannounced and whenever they pleased
  • Our future children would be held to a higher standard than others, aiming toward near perfection 
  • My husband would never be truly available to love and cherish me.

Why, oh why, would anyone ever think that this skewed version of ministry and marriage was true? And if they had found it to be true in a season of ministry, why would they saddle a newly engaged and eager bride with such a death sentence - of dreams and marriage. This well-intentioned friend had totally missed the mark. The poem wasn't funny, and it was filled with tainted truth. It scared me to death and infuriated me all at the same time...

...until I sat down and confessed my confusion and fear to two dear pastors - one from my home church and one on my college campus. By God’s grace they both gave me wise counsel. God’s expectations for my life, married to a pastor, was not to be one of misery and loneliness. I did not need to fear that our home would be a place of intrusion and heartache. I didn’t even have to resign myself to the ‘fact’ that we would live in the proverbial fishbowl! I breathed a sigh of relief and found my hope rekindled! 

After decades of ministry, I still hold strong to the fact that the vast majority of assumptions made of a pastor’s wife simply don’t have to be true. There is a hint of truth in many observations, but even the hardest moments need not define us. The words of J. Perdas, shared in honor of a group of pastors’ wives, ring more true to me than any other description of a pastor’s wife that I've read. My favorite excerpts from her poem are these -

How blessed a pastor when he answers God’s call
When he has beside him for life
One who was chosen by our Almighty God
To be the pastor’s wife.

She’s part of a marriage, a cord of three strands.
God, a woman and man.
When woven divinely together beside her husband,
She’ll stand.

The pastor’s wife is often a mother, a teacher,
Prayer warrior and friend.
She guides children at home and others in church,
On their way to a glorious end.

A glorious end! Gently guiding others toward their eternity. That is the heart of the message. To be restored in relationship to our Creator and Savior. To share the Gospel message at home, at church and beyond. To be privileged to partner with our husband, lover and friend. Because of the hope of Christ, we’ve been given the amazing opportunity to impact lives - as believers and as one who is called the pastor’s wife. May we stand faithful as partners with the Gospel and guide others to the precious love and forgiveness of our Savior!

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.” Galatians 6:9-10


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