Are They Seen and Not Heard?

Did you know that the old English proverb, “Children should be seen and not heard,” was actually an expression aimed at women? Scholars believe the saying dates back to the 15^th century. It was later adapted to mean young maiden - and eventually to all those who were young. Perhaps we’ve all experienced situations where someone, old or young, was not ‘allowed’ to speak. They were looked down upon as inferior, uneducated or simply not worth hearing from. The devaluing of human beings for any reason is a challenge in our world at large and, sadly, even in the Christian church of America.

In corporate worship settings, there remains a controversy in some churches as to whether or not children should be ‘seen or heard.’ I’ve heard of churches that didn’t allow children in the sanctuary, but only in the children’s wing. I’ve also heard of churches where families with children were only allowed to sit in the back rows of the church – marked off specifically for families. The thought in both situations was to keep the sanctuary as distraction-free as possible.

There is no doubt that most churches have experienced moments of distraction in their sanctuaries due to the talking, playing, poking or wiggling of children. A toy drops, a little one falls off of the seat, a baby whimpers or the volume on a game did not stay on mute. It’s life. Recently, I sat behind one woman who nearly strained her neck as she quickly turned to express her disgust toward a child who was making a bit of noise. I was saddened by her lack of understanding and patience.

What causes people to react in such a harsh way? For some, it is simply a ‘noise reaction.’ They are trying to concentrate and even the slightest noise distracts them – including the rustling of plastic when a mint or piece of gum is being unwrapped. They just don’t cope well with noise, and they are quick to react with ‘the evil eye.’ On the other hand, I’ve seen individuals praise the mother who kept her child in the sanctuary while crying nearly all of the service. With eyes of adoration they make sure to speak to the flustered mother with words of affirmation, “It is SO wonderful to have little ones at church!”

As parents, we dedicate our children to the Lord with the affirmation of the church body. Ironically, the church family commits to coming alongside the parents in training up their children in the ‘nurture and admonition of the Lord’ – until they are found to be too distracting. This polarizing topic requires prayerful consideration for both parents and church leadership. Likely, the broad spectrum of church attenders and parents can agree with these thoughts...

We want our kids –

• to participate in corporate worship.
• to learn the songs of the church.
• to know how to sit still (and possibly absorb part of the sermon).
• to participate by serving (as an usher, in the kid’s choir, etc.).
• to know the older adults in the church.
• to know how to shake a stranger’s hand in greeting,
• and the list could go on and on.

Everyone’s home situation and church’s structure are so different. There simply is not one perfect way to do it. But, have we taken the time to consider if we’ve fallen into the ‘not being seen or heard’ mindset without realizing where we’re headed. (Sometimes we’re just trying to survive, right?) What I wonder is this: Are our churches welcoming to all ages? Do our children and teens understand what the purpose of corporate worship really is? Here’s a couple quotes I came across recently that made me stop and think.  

It is imperative for believers to understand, and to pass onto the next generation, that we don’t actually “go to church to worship, because worship ought to be the constant attitude and activity of the dedicated believer…What we’ve been doing privately all week long we do publicly as we gather with the people of God on the Lord’s Day.” (Warren Wiersbe)

“You can’t impart what you don’t possess. And this is what you want your children to catch. You want them to catch authentic worship. Authentic, heartfelt worship is the most valuable thing in human experience. Think of it. The cumulative effect of 650 worship services spent with mom and dad in authentic communion with God and his people between the ages of 4 and 17 is utterly incalculable.” (John Piper)

Are we unintentionally robbing our children of experiencing authentic worship by eliminating these 'distractions' and forcing them out of the corporate worship experience? My conscience hears the heartbeat of Christ’s admonition in Matthew 19:13 which says, “Then people brought little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples rebuked them.” Jesus didn’t see the children as distractions to the important work He was about. He actually communicated just the opposite to be true. Jesus’ response was no doubt counter-cultural as He chided His disciples by saying, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these” (Matthew 19:14).

Interestingly, the controversy of children being 'seen or heard' actually dates back to Jesus' days. Two thousand years later, are we more like the disciples or Jesus? What message are we sending to the children God has entrusted into our care? May we each find ways to pass onto the next generation what authentic worship looks like in our worship hours and in our homes.

Deuteronomy 11:18-19 - “Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds…Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up” … and even while you are at church!

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